To Kill a Mockingbird -- Post # 5

--Post # 5--

Chapters 18-24

Atticus Finch

Inside, I knew that we never really had a chance. I knew that since Tom was a black man, it didn't really matter at all what we had to say. But I did like to pretend that somehow, we might be able to convince them. Pretending is fun, but it just makes the truth that much harder to take. If only for just one second these crazy people were able to set aside their outrageous prejudice, and just see this case as a settlement between two equal people instead of a white man and a black man then we would have won. Tom did nothing to deserve this. He is one of the bravest people I have ever met and I swore to protect him the best I could. Now he is dead. I just don't believe it. I suppose I knew that people are capable of doing things this horrible, but I didn't want to believe it. I wonder if it actually happened like they said it did, or if they were planning to kill him the whole time and managed to do it as subtly as they could. But 17 bullet holes? One would have been enough.  I have no way of knowing what really happened and I don't think that I really want to know. 

As for Ms. Mayella Ewell, I just feel sorry for her as well. I can't imagine what it would be like to live a life when you are always scared of being beaten by your own father. Everyone is making a big fuss about how Mr. Bob Ewell came up to me and spit on my face and threatened me. Of course he needed to take his anger out on someone, and I am just glad that it isn't Mayella. The poor girl can use a break from that. She must have been scared out of her wits the whole time. I can't find it in myself to blame her for anything that happened. It was all her father. That man is a plain fraud. How he can live with himself  I will never know. He is the most disgusting, racist, evil man anyone will ever meet. You can't be lower than that man. I wish for that just 10 minutes that he and Tom's roles were reversed. Then maybe he would understand the cruel thing he is doing. 

Jem seems to be taking this whole thing pretty hard. Just wait until he finds out that Tom is dead. The poor boy doesn't understand any more than I do how people have it in them to be so cruel. He is so young and innocent that he understands that race shouldn't matter. That it is completely irrelevant. No adults seem to understand it. I hope that he will soon grasp the fact that it is out of control. This case proves that. I wish that he and Scout didn't have to see the case. I didn't want them there. I wonder how much of it Scout understands. She can be so good at hiding her emotions. Everyone is so worried about how I am raising her up, and that she ain't coming out right, like a lady. But to me Scout is one of the best, most interesting people I know. I don't want her to change. I really truly deeply hope that this whole experience only affects my children in a good way. I can't seem to see how it would, but it may somehow. And after all, it isn't time to worry yet.